Unmentionables!

For all who read my blog, this post might contain more information than you want to read. But some will laugh, others will understand, and it's my blog. So My mother came for a visit over the holidays. She has commented everytime she sees me about my lack of a good fitting undergarment to support the "girls". So she decided it was her mission to find one. Now anyone who has known me knows that I am well endowed in that department. I have been since the age of 12. Motherhood and excessive weight gain have done nothing to diminish their size. Believe it or not, I have never wanted them, still don't and one day I dream of having at least 3/4 of each taken off (can't hurt to dream right?!) So we started at by measuring, horrifying! As you probably already guessed, we were not going to find the right size at a regular store. So we called around, I know, just imagine. Hi, do you sella bra in size huge heifer, or maybe hippopatamus size? Well we went to LB in the mall, they apparently do have huge heifer size. So I got measured again and yes we were right. So in came the monstrosities. Fortunately my mother was nice enough to watch K at a play area in the mall to save him from being scarred from life and some embarrassment for me. Well the first mumu went on and wow, was it awful. It was painful in the band, the shoulder straps were putting dikes in my collarbone, and the cup material was bulging out in little hills standing up all on their own. So the next try was a little bigger band, which was much better, and a smaller cup. This went on until we went down about 4 cup sizes! That at least made me feel a little better. However the shoulder digging never improved. I kept telling the sales lady how bad it hurt, of course I would think the indentions in my collarbone would have spoke for themselves. She kept saying, you just have to get used to it, your shoulders are supposed to carry the weight. Okay, well apparently I forgot to tell my shoulders and to prepare them by doing exercises. Is there an exercise to increase the collarbone strength? I quickly made and excuse about having to go see Santa before the park closed, it was actually true, and that I might come back later. HaHaHa! If I were to wear one of those torture treatments I would not need to dream about reduction surgery, I would cut them off myself with no anesthesia! Mom was not deterred however, and we went on to search more stores with the new size. She was dissapointed to find out that I was right, they do not sell industrial strength brazziers at your average store. None were able to actually lift the "girls" or do anything but discreetly cover them. I have said in the past that someone should invent a shelf that sits on your hips, evenly so as not to cause pain, that supports the "girls". Of course, in my case people would meet the "girls" about three feet before meeting me, and I can't imagine having metal next to my skin when it is -15 outside. So for now we are left to trying the good old internet. And my mother's mission goes on!